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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710282">break his heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenkmyers/pseuds/laurenkmyers'>laurenkmyers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Protectiveness, Sad Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenkmyers/pseuds/laurenkmyers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All current canon is applicable here, but Callum has brought Jack Branning reluctantly into the fold. Jack has offered to help Callum take down DI Thompson but he can’t do that if Callum is still linked to the Mitchells so he asks him to break up with Ben and make it stick. It’s the only way to protect Ben in the long run. Break his heart to save his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>break his heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for ben mitchell week day 3.</p><p>ps- i'm sorry.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Callum comes home jittery and aggravated, which seems to be a frequent occurrence these days. He’s barely spoken a word since he walked through the door. Ben can tell he’s tense and if he brings it up he knows he’ll only have his head bitten off, but being the kind of person Ben is he doesn’t let that stop him, not when his boyfriend is clearly going through something.</p><p>He’s seen the signs, knows that Callum is struggling and has tried his best to be there for him, but nothing he does seems to do much to alleviate the tension, and things have only gotten worse after the robbery. Callum is pulling away and he has to find out why.</p><p>The argument starts small, with Ben trying his best to nudge it out of him with a thinly-veiled attitude joke, “Saw you chatting with Jack Branning earlier, is that why you’ve got the hump? His smarmy looking face riles me right up.”</p><p>Callum dismisses him with a quick, “He’s been helping me with a case at work.”</p><p>“I just thought maybe he was the reason for your foul mood, is all.” Ben tries again.</p><p>“Just leave it Ben, yeah? I’m tired of this.” The typical response these days. He watches Callum rub at his eyes and walk up the stairs.</p><p>Ben contemplates leaving it, but there’s a niggling in his brain that just won’t let him do that this time, so he follows him.</p><p>What he finds when he walks inside their bedroom is Callum bent over a packed bag.</p><p>“You going somewhere?” Ben plays it off initially but his heart beat picks up as he tries not to panic, and when Callum doesn’t answer, but continues packing Ben’s anxiety spikes. The lump in his throat expands and he can barely take in air, he forces out a quiet, 

“A-are you leaving me?”</p><p>Callum looks over at him after zipping up the bag. “Ben…”</p><p>“You can’t be serious, Callum?!” He shouts, scaring even himself as he lets the anger guide him away from the inevitable breakdown. Anger is always better than tears, he rationalises. Shows he’s not weak.</p><p>“I can’t do this anymore…” Callum whispers into the void; a phrase Ben has etched onto the back of his skull, possibly one of the worst moments of his life. He blinks back tears at the memory and returns to the matter at hand.</p><p>“Do what exactly? You haven’t said a word to me, Cal. Not a single thing. For the past few weeks I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me, but all you do is push me away. How can we work through this when I have no fucking clue what’s going on in that head of yours, eh? You need to stop pushing me away and fucking talk to me. We’re supposed to be a couple who communicates now, yeah? Honesty and all that. Why are you shutting me out like this?”</p><p>Ben forces himself to calm down, tries stepping forward so that he can make some form of physical connection with Callum; needs to feel him under his fingertips. But as soon as he steps into Callum’s space Callum shuffles backwards, furthering the distance between them physically and emotionally. Ben can see the walls he’d once successfully smashed down before Callum’s coming out stack back up on front of him, brick by brick.</p><p>“It just ain’t working no more.” Callum sighs, hanging his head in shame.</p><p>What’s not working, Callum?” Ben pleads.</p><p>“Us, Ben! You and me. I just can’t pretend anymore.” Callum finally looks at him and what he sees reflected in those sea blue eyes terrifies him. Finality.</p><p>They‘re both silent; but silence, they say, is deafening- and in this case it rattles in Ben’s brain like being stuck in the eye of a storm, uncertain- but bound to strike again.</p><p>Callum picks up the bag and slings it over his shoulder, he moves to sidestep him but Ben is poised to strike back, in his face the moment he gets too close.</p><p>“You ain’t leaving until you tell me what the fuck I’ve done wrong?” He says, calm on the outside, but his knees tremble visibly beneath him giving him away.</p><p>Callum lets out a deep sigh, and then inhales a deep lungful of air, as if in preparation.</p><p>“You ain’t done anything wrong, and that’s why this is so hard. You’ve been amazing. I-it’s just, my h-hearts not in it anymore, Ben.” He stumbles through his words like a filthy liar.</p><p>Ben calls him out on it, “what are you getting at, Callum? Spit it out.”</p><p>Callum visibly gulps, “I thought I knew what I wanted, especially after you helped me come out, but I think I just convinced myself because it felt different with you. We got together so quickly after Whit, I never had time to stop and think about what being part of your family truly meant.”</p><p>Ben’s heart splinters at the harsh words, about to speak up but Callum cuts him off, “I can’t keep lying to myself, or you. It wouldn’t be fair to you. But this isn’t what I want anymore, we’re done.”</p><p>Callum’s eyes flicker with something that looks suspiciously like pain or possibly regret? But it’s gone so quickly Ben wonders if it was ever there in the first place; a projection of something he wanted to see but in actual fact a cold, hard stare is left in its place.</p><p><b>“So none of it was real? You didn’t mean any of it?”</b> Ben chokes out as his stomach drops. All anger drains from his body as he sinks into himself and glances over at the packed suitcase hidden in plain sight by the wardrobe. Despite Callum’s lack of response basically confirming Ben’s worst nightmare he still can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that Callum is still hiding something big from him, the missing piece to this ridiculous puzzle.</p><p>“Are you fucking someone else?” He accuses, deciding to follow his gut, not believing a goddamn word being spewed from Callum’s lips.</p><p>“What?! No! How could you even think-” Callum stumbles.</p><p>“-It would certainly explain all the late nights at work, the texts you hide from me that you think I don’t notice, and the fact that you drop everything to go swanning off to the office on your day off when there’s a quote-unquote <i>emergency.</i>” Ben hits back, determined to find out the truth.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that.”</p><p>Ben laughs a deep rumbling in his chest at the irony of the statement.</p><p>“You sure about that? It’s not like you ain’t strayed before. A certain park bench can attest to that.”</p><p>Callum looks down for a moment, gathering his thoughts, then looks back up and whispers softly, so softly, “Not you, Ben. I could never do that <i>to you.</i>”</p><p>“What does that even mean, Callum?! You just said none of it was real between us!” He spits.</p><p>“I <i>never</i> said that!” Callum counters, taking a tentative step closer.</p><p>“Maybe not in so many words, but you implied it.”</p><p>Ben starts frantically pacing, trying desperately to gather his thoughts and the conclusion still brings him nothing. He still has no clue where any of this is coming from. He knew Callum was struggling, but he assumed it was all work-related. There was a time, at the very start of all this, that was deep-rooted in his historical self-loathing, that Ben <i>might</i> have doubted Callum’s love. But everything that’s happened since then is proof that Callum isn’t going to leave him. The dark thoughts he used to let take over haven’t been given a reason to claw their way back to the surface in a long time, so naturally they they all come flooding back to him in full force, and Ben struggles not to sink under their weight.</p><p>
  <i>He’s found someone better.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He don’t want you no more.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He don’t love you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He’s leaving you.</i>
</p><p>On and on and on. But Ben shoves them all aside, like he always does eventually, finding the strength to fight once more.</p><p>“I just don’t see what the punch line is here Callum. Where is all this coming from? We’re good, you and me.” He breathes, taking those few steps closer to finally be able to touch him. “You moved in here with me, with my family. <i>You’re my family.</i> We love each other, don’t we?”</p><p>Ben finally reaches Callum and takes his face in both hands and forces him to look into his eyes, alight with all the love and trust he’s opened himself up to since they started loving one another.</p><p>“I love you, Callum. Tell me you still love me, and we’ll work through this together.”</p><p>Ben sees the tears build up in Callum’s eyes as they threaten to fall under his watchful gaze, his bottom lip wobbles as one tear escapes.</p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p>The words feel like a punch to the gut, so deadly in its accuracy that Ben recoils his hands too quickly, nearly giving himself whiplash in the process of shielding himself from the sting.</p><p>
  <i>Numb. He just feels numb.</i>
</p><p>He doesn’t even notice as Callum places one final kiss on his forehead, grabs his bag and suitcase and bolts for the door mumbling a choked up <i>I’m sorry.</i></p><p>He definitely doesn’t notice when Callum closes the front door behind him, how he falls to his knees on the cold concrete, takes out his phone, sends a text to Jack Branning saying: <i>It’s done. We’re over. Keep Ben safe.</i></p><p>And he most certainly doesn’t notice the way Callum’s heart bleeds out onto the pavement, the way he tries to cover the hiccupping sobs as he stumbles away with one final glance at the house he had made his home, leaving behind the one person who made his miserable life worth it.</p><p>Ben doesn’t notice anything other than the sound of his own world crumbling into the darkness once more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come and fangirl with my over on tumblr: laurenkmyers</p></blockquote></div></div>
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